Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The uberlube is also flammable
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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