it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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