chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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