Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
