the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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