Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
only if we run a train.
done.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
