You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize