waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
