I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
