Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
