Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
