So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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