and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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