I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
