We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
