Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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