I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
