im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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