The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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