If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
