I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
