I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
