Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
