I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You're a waste of cheezeits
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
