Taylor Swift is so right about you.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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