ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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