so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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