i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
