My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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