her vagine was all disorganized.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
