Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
