Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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