I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
