I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
