somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
