just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
