So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I will pee on everything he values.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
