Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
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Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
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Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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