I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
