I never want to see another naked old woman again.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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