stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
