Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the day after is always just damage control
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
