Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
