Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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