He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
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So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
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The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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