if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
