tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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