By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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