great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
