I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
