my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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