She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
