My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
