Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
