In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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