Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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