Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
