Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
