Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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