what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
farters have to be the big spoon...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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