well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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