My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I wear drunk well.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
