I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
