my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I love having hate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize