let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
