found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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